Between determination and depletion
On the outside, I was thriving—top scholarships, finishing ahead of schedule. On the inside, I was tense, restless, and drained. I could sense how, if I kept going like this, it would slowly erode my focus, decision-making, and ability to work effectively. There was this low-level irritability; anyone and anything that delayed my work would annoy me.
And yet, part of me enjoyed the busyness — the eustress, the rush of feeling capable and on top of things. It made me feel alive and in control. I could say that I didn’t see a way out — but the truth is also, I wasn’t even sure I wanted one.
Between determination and depletion
On the outside, I was thriving—top scholarships, finishing ahead of schedule. On the inside, I was tense, restless, and drained. I could sense how, if I kept going like this, it would slowly erode my focus, decision-making, and ability to work effectively. There was this low-level irritability; anyone and anything that delayed my work would annoy me.
And yet, part of me enjoyed the busyness — the eustress, the rush of feeling capable and on top of things. It made me feel alive and in control. I could say that I didn’t see a way out — but the truth is also, I wasn’t even sure I wanted one.
And yet, part of me enjoyed the busyness — the eustress, the rush of feeling capable and on top of things. It made me feel alive and in control. I could say that I didn’t see a way out — but the truth is also, I wasn’t even sure I wanted one.
I was highly organized and skilled at prioritizing — so much so that my supervisor invited me to give a talk about it in her colloquium. Clearly, more planning, structuring or prioritizing was not the answer for me. And as the work needed to be done, I pushed harder, fantasizing about finally resting and enjoying life once it was finished.
When high performance starts to undermine itself
I see this pattern in many clients — employees, leaders, and researchers who are competent, committed, and organized, yet often experience stress that quietly chips away at their performance and workplace relationships. Sometimes it shows up as small missed cues or uncharacteristic frustration, and other times it surprises everyone when someone who seemed to have it all together stops “functioning” as they usually do.
If that sounds familiar, you probably know something has to change, but have no idea what it could look like. Let me share what I’ve found helpful — both in my own experience and in my work with clients.
A solution I almost ignored (and you might, too ;-))
The turning point? Mental performance training, which I discovered in the pure form of mindfulness back then. About the last thing I would have thought of (and probably the last thing you would). It came through a friend who I admired for her calm, hands-on success. At first, I was skeptical: How could sitting still help me get work done? And the idea of “relaxing” felt foreign — even guilty — because my mind was always racing.
So, I found another way — implementing the practice into daily life. And I learned how to approach work without the underlying urgency and restlessness — staying focused, clear, and composed even under pressure.
These days, my mornings feel different. The drive to succeed is still there — sometimes even overdrive. But I’ve learned to recognize when it’s taking over and how to regulate it. I can now enjoy my evenings without guilt and have regained the energy and motivation to engage in activities that inspire and sustain me.
What’s changed most isn’t the structure of my day — it’s that I can breathe again. I’ve supported many professionals on similar journeys, helping them navigate pressure with greater steadiness and a stronger sense of agency — improving not only their wellbeing but also their effectiveness at work and beyond.
The science behind my story, and why that matters for you
Studies have shown that bringing mindful awareness into daily tasks improves clarity, decision-making, and focus. The result? Work flows more smoothly, and opportunities that might have gone unnoticed begin to stand out.
This isn’t about sitting still for long periods — it’s about simple shifts in attention that can be trained while commuting, doing chores, or walking. These tools are already being used in high-stakes environments — with companies like Google and SAP among the most notable adopters — to help professionals stay calm, focused, and effective under pressure.
You don’t have to make big changes overnight. Even a few intentional minutes can shift how you feel and function.
Curious? Let me help you discover how to make those changes.